These are the terms that could describe our guy right now. At the beginning of summer, when others were sharing about how their kids were already out of sync due to summer vacation, I was counting my blessings. Despite extra travel and some out-of-the-ordinary programs to attend, we were faring well.
The truth is, I’ve seen this coming for about two weeks now. And it happened last year, too, at almost exactly this same time. Coincidence? I have no idea. One of the main differences between last year and this year, though, is that last year we were dealing with therapy intensive scheduling (meaning M-F for 2 weeks in a row) as opposed to weekly scheduling this year. I thought that was the trigger for last summer’s descent into I-Can’t-Cope-ville. Knowing that we had weekly therapies this summer, AND because he’s older and now has more coping skills, I thought we might avoid the summer down turn.
But we won’t be able to avoid it. It’s here.
On Sunday, he wasn’t able to manage in church very well. It’s been much worse at other times, but we had to leave early this week because he was on edge – and on the edge of a massive meltdown. At the end of last week, he began talking about this week’s therapies and using words that we know are indicative of something going wrong internally. The anxiety was at the surface. We resumed our walking on egg shells as we talked about going to therapy and the drive there was not without frustration.
For years, I have been questioning his ability to remember things. His short-term memory seems to cause him a lot of trouble. The thing we don’t know is whether or not this is a true memory/mind issue, or a processing deficiency linked with his autism spectrum diagnosis. And to this point, no one (meaning therapists or doctor) has really seen it manifest in sessions with him.
Until today.
His speech therapist told me that she was talking to him about something, and trying to probe a little deeper. Originally she said something like, “Do you remember what happened?” He replied that yes, he did. She went on to ask, “How did that happen?” or something along those lines. And for the first time, she was met with his “I don’t know” which *may* mean that he doesn’t know, or it may mean that he doesn’t want to talk about it. The problem? It’s impossible to know which one it is – does he truly not know, or is he not able to talk about (whatever it may be) in those situations?
And I went back to examples over the past years of him being at therapy – things I’ve pointed out to the therapists more than once. She had her “a-ha moment” realizing that this is what I’d been referring to, all those times – an inability to determine if his short-term memory isn’t functioning, or if he’s unable to process, recall, and talk about things.
He’s been in therapy for almost 2.5 years, and has worked with her for almost 1.5 years, and this is the first time she’s really seen this issue at work in him. And now she understands – not that she didn’t before, but rather now she has experience with him, regarding this particular problem.
My son is 8 years old and I have no idea if his short-term memory is functional or not. And others are catching on and starting to see that as well. We have to figure this out. We see the doctor again in a few weeks….
I know this post is probably rambly, and disjointed. It is what it is, some days.
Days like today are why I started my other blog over at Building On Joy. It is not lost on me that life with a special needs child can be a long walk in the dark some days. Hence, the need for joy, and for purposely infusing that into my own life. And while I’m not entirely convinced that I’m able to view this as an Adventure, yet, maybe I will someday!
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